Yes, I know, its Friday and not Thursday. However, I worked a 12 hour day yesterday, so a new post wasn't really an option. I backtrack because I consider Thursday's a very important day of post for me. Letters I will never send gives me a chance to get things off my chest and be brutally honesty with myself, and the person that will never read this.
Unloyal friend,
In the past few days I have been really nervous that everything God is showing me right now is for the purpose of getting me to the point that I can forgive you. Which I have to be honest, is the last thing that I want to do. When you left me, walked out of my life without explaination, it hurt. Yes, you hurt me. Maybe I have allowed it to hurt to a deeper level than I ever should have, but I am not willing to make excuses for you. Loyality is the most important thing to me. You knew that. You left anyway. The sad part is, I can honestly say that I still love you, and would still do anything in the world for you, but there isn't a chance in the world that I could look you in the eye and tell you that. Which is only hurting me. Forgiving you has been the last thing on my to do list for a long time. But I have been called to love. I have been called to forgive. And not to do so grudgingly but genuinely. You don't deserve it. But when Christ died for me, I didn't deserve it either. Its going to be a long road to forgiving you. I'm not even to the point that I'm in the car yet, right now I just see that I have somewhere I need to go.
Only because I'm supposed to,
Me
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